My name is Adam Holwerda. I'm a stand-up comic, fiction writer, and web developer.

Television had arms and legs and a face that was flat and bright and capable of putting out any possible combination of 307,200 pixels, which happened to be a lot of combinations, since each pixel had the potential of being any one of 16,581,375 different colors at any moment. (His old friend Calculator, who was always making useless observations, would have told him that the total number of possible faces Television could make was 5,093,798,400,000 - but Calculator was dead. He’d been impaled by a herd of charging gazelles on an African Safari the summer before.) In fact, Television was much luckier than most of his relatives, since the men in his family had a problem nobody could solve. They kept themselves inside and when they had to get through doorways they turned sideways. Some of the unluckier of them, like his oldest brother Peter, spent all day faces to the ground, unable to move.

But did the #myNYPD hashtag backfire though?

The news here isn’t a hashtag, it’s that everyone knows NYPD officers constantly abuse their power and now the NYPD knows they know. That the people it “serves and protects” actually fear and hate the badged and blue.

Browsing the hashtag, it’s easy to see why.

During Occupy Wall Street, journalists were routinely beaten and arrested for…being outside. Nonviolent protesters beaten. Unarmed young men shot by undercover officers (as in, how am I supposed to know you’re a cop even) who perceive some real or imagined threat. Detainees already in custody end up dead somehow. Stop and frisk. Spying on Muslims. 

This police force has the reputation for being one of the most out of control and corrupt in the nation - and it’s by design. Why else do you think they still do the stuff when they know they’re being recorded and photographed? They believe they have license.

So is it a backfire if the NYPD is getting an unfiltered taste of what people think of it? Or will it lead to some reform, i.e. what if bad cops actually got jail time?

Hey, police: wake the hell up and stop abusing your citizenry. The people you assault are paying your salary.

boxlunches:

slightly-insane-black-cat:

thatbloodredreaper:

yarrahs-life:

American History 101

truth. i honestly dont give a rats ass if you unfollow me for this. learn the truth, sometimes the truth hurts. 

^

Reblogging for the gif about shrinking Native American territories. Just look at the huge difference between 1860 and 1870. In just ten years.

burning at both ends

you won’t live longer like this they said
but you’ll finish before we all will
never sleeping, always behind
how is this what anyone needs

how is never being alone, never
dipping yourself into the healing work
constantly a stream of frustration
or blood vibrating through and between

how is that what anyone needs

If u hate my tumblr posts just wait till u see my twitter

@adamholwerda

This is an embedded version of my chapbook, Clayton’s Secret Notebook

Read the whole thing for free

(only use arrows on sides to switch pages, don’t click the middle “click to read” button unless you want to read it fullscreen on issuu’s site)

actually it should probably be fullscreen

Instead of employing someone to answer a question about an item you have a question about, amazon offloads the labor to you
which means you can respond how you want

Hey someone’s grammy,
Slide ‘n bind sounds pretty gnarly but when I bought these I thought I was getting game for gameboy color because of the brand name and was sorely disappointed
You know the dimensions? all the dimensions? it’s not as obvious as it seems. this is tesseract stuff up in hereI don’t know if you know what you’re getting yourself into, but painting metaphors can’t help you now
you’re Primed for a timescapebound for a sliders-styleslide ‘n bind frosted trip to the edgeof sanity due tobarely being able to shove papers in that thing

and wait for them to credit your accountwhich never happens

Instead of employing someone to answer a question about an item you have a question about, amazon offloads the labor to you

which means you can respond how you want

Hey someone’s grammy,

Slide ‘n bind sounds pretty gnarly but when I bought these I thought I was getting game for gameboy color because of the brand name and was sorely disappointed

You know the dimensions? all the dimensions? it’s not as obvious as it seems. this is tesseract stuff up in here

I don’t know if you know what you’re getting yourself into, but painting metaphors can’t help you now

you’re Primed for a timescape
bound for a sliders-style
slide ‘n bind frosted trip to the edge
of sanity due to
barely being able to shove papers in that thing

and wait for them to credit your account
which never happens

White guy doing the tournament coverage keeps saying

Julius Randle has to “take the reins” for kentucky to win
he’s the “biggest and strongest guy out there”
Kentucky has to “ride” Julius Randle to victory (x2)

Like why do you feel okay comparing black men to horses? in any situation 

oh also Julius Randle has been on the bench with cramps and various other injuries, and who knows if going all out for another twenty minutes is the healthiest choice for the kid, but hey, “ride” him to death and smile about it I guess if that’s what your bloodlust tells you

I’ve made a huge mistake

I’ve made a huge mistake

i overheard a conversation where one asked, "how is it okay to like offensive humor?" and the other snaps, "you're offended? you just don't got no sense of humor!" is this argument simply a never-ending, no-win battle? i feel like it's unfair to judge someone's sense of humor based on what they feel strongly about (i.e. feminism, racial equality).

yeah i think this is a tough question that lots of comics / people who like jokes are having trouble with. obviously it has a lot to do with the situation / joke / person saying the joke but personally I think I draw the line here (for comics): if you are not a member of the group you’re doing a joke about, and the group you’re doing that joke about is marginalized / disenfranchised / already the target of xenophobic attention, then it’s at the least unproductive as well as possibly racist / misogynistic / poor taste

examples: 

  • doing jokes about how a minority’s culture is different and weird when you’re just someone with privilege / closed eyes (see Tom Papa’s “Freaked Out!” on Netflix - his first ten minutes are legit racism without apology and yeah he gets laughs … do I not have a sense of humor for noticing that and feeling icky instead of applauding?)
  • men doing jokes about how women are evil / manipulative / one-dimensional (or just doing actual rape jokes) in a time where men control everything (including what women get to say, do and wear in public, how much they earn, and defending this patriarchy with physical violent control they’re rarely punished for)
  • doing jokes about people who aren’t there or can’t defend themselves (laughing about dwarfism, retardation, etc…)

when you get a laugh by doing a racist voice or saying some stereotypical shit about women (for example) all you’re really doing is piggyback on society’s rejection or ridicule of a group to get a laugh and reinforcing whatever stereotype you’re invoking, which to me is the opposite of the point of comedy - comedy shouldn’t solely be “anything to get a laugh”, and that’s where i think a lot of people are misstepping

i think “you don’t have a sense of humor” is kind of a universal copout people use to belittle someone for pointing out the problems inherent in a lot of comedy, because inherent in comedy are a lot of social issues we obviously don’t seem to have figured out 

does it make you a bad person if you laugh at something that was in bad taste? no i don’t think so. but also you might be laughing because you don’t have firsthand experience of why a particular thing is offensive, so it’s important to recognize that and not be reductive of someone else who might

now of course if you’re the member of the group you’re making offensive jokes about or making fun of the group doing the marginalizing, things are different and you should have more carte blanche

you just (most likely) don’t have carte blanche if your skin is blanche