March 2009
64 posts
Why Lightsabers (Would) Suck.
Star Wars came out in 1977. Even if you haven’t seen the film (who are you?), you still probably know what year it was released, and recognize characters from the film at every Halloween party you go to. You’re even vaguely aware that there are people in the world who would rather see scientists come up with a functional version of a lightsaber than a cure for cancer.
The lightsaber,...
CLICK THIS LINK AND DROOL ALONG WITH ME. →
I know I don’t have the money for one. I know. But I’m starting to get this itchy needy feeling. And I don’t know what I’m going to do. Unlimited free 3G wireless access to Wikipedia and if you subscribe to newspapers and blogs they’ll be waiting for you to read when you wake up. Plus the charge lasts several days - Amazon actually SHIPS the thing with the POWER ON....
Spanking-Age Child
My second rejection :D
Dear Adam Holwerda, Thank you for sending us “Wednesday’s Boy”. I’ve reviewed the story and decided not to purchase it. The writing is solid (although I think you probably need to have the Willy actually tell Jenkins that the same exact thing happened to him, instead of using the omniscient author, and Jenkins’ worry about getting spanked is a...
Why Wolverine's Six Blades Decrease His...
I needed some new razors yesterday and I bought these crazy awesome 3-bladed Bic guys who make me feel like I’m a king or something when I run their crazy awesome metal tongues over my skin. Single bladed razors cut me often, and then I tried double bladed razors. They didn’t cut me as much. Consider:
That’s because more blades were there to share the pressure I applied. With...
February 2009
58 posts
The only time
anyone ever reblogs me is when I post some stupid picture I got from Stumbleupon. Or if the person reblogging me is Caroline (bless her soul). I’m following 50 people. Aaaaaaaand 21 are following me. Of those, 8 haven’t used Tumblr in more than a month. I don’t get it. I’m a nice kid. I make and do cool stuff. I post interesting things. Most of it is original content. I...
Watchhilarysiegel:
benjoseph:
joshruben:
I play Sarah’s new boyfriend this Sunday.
Josh Ruben is one of the funniest performers I know. He can make the entire crew laugh with a noise and a face. He’s also responsible for one of my favorite characters ever. Please watch him on television.
Everything Ben said is true: Josh is super talented and Gale Beggy is AMAZING. But I have one thing to...
Hello. I would like a Kindle.
Please?
Three trash bags. Clayton filled them all, and still his room looked sad. He tried to cheer it up, but the party, it seemed, was over.
Thursday, February 26th, 2009 or "And That Word...
11:30 AM - Wakey wakey. Breakfast?
12:40 PM - 20th Century English Novels (OH, MAYBE WE’LL GO TO THE LIGHTHOUSE AT SOME POINT IN THIS BOOK. OR NOT. OR MAYBE.)
3 PM - Philosophy class in which I AM SO OVER MY HEAD.
4:30 PM - Shopping. Is that right?
5:30 PM - Clean my room (O_o)
7 PM - Dinner en ze cafeterieum
7:30 PM - I DON’T KNOW!
I made a schedule yesterday and it made me...
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
8-9:30 AM - Finish Chaucer Paper regarding Canterbury Tales.
9:40 AM - Eat breakfast, cafeteria.
10:00 AM - 1:00 PM - Sleep.
1:05 PM - Listen to/watch Gamecast of first Tigers spring training game.
2:00ish PM - Eat lunch, cafeteria.
3:00 PM - Philosophy of Science
4:30 - 5:00 PM final touches/print paper.
5:00 - 6:30 PM Chaucer class.
7:00 PM - Eat dinner, cafeteria
8:30 PM - MSU vs....
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My First Actual Rejection YAY!!
“Sorry, I don’t think I can use this one. It takes place in too much of a blank, featureless environment. Please submit again anytime!”
Clayton eyed the shortcut, considering. His feet might get wet, but it would save time. He started at a jog and took a header posthaste.
He stepped out of the van
and the sky opened up on him, pelting him with rain. He shuffled toward the building, head down, making no attempt to wipe away the beading drops that fell over the skin of his face, his slack jaw. His hair clung to him like a quivering animal. The door was plain, white, with the number seven scratched into it in rust. It was locked. He pounded a wet fist against the metal. “Let me in,...
Holwerda's 3 Laws of Writing
1. No matter how much you’re writing, it’s not enough. 2. No matter how many times you and any number of other people have gone through a manuscript, there are still mistakes. 3. No matter how good it is, someone will hate it.
“There is more to me than this,” the old dude said, and flicked his earlobe. Clayton watched it wiggle.
WRITERS: Stop reading and writing about writing. It’s counter-productive. Go lock yourself in your head instead.
“Violets are blue,
Roses are red.
On Valentine’s Day
You exploded my...”
– I wrote this poem for a girl, but I thought since I spent so much time on it I would share it with you too. The first two lines were all I had at last week’s writer’s workshop. She got me something too. A story based on my ideas that she won’t let me read. And a carp.
WatchFirst video with the HD Camcorder I got for cheapola. I’m not tripping balls, I just like the sound of saying that.
Web Design Woes. →
Every so often I run across a website that just seems to be screaming, “FIX ME, OH HOLY GOD FIX ME!”
It laughed at him. A red grinning balloon. Clayton ripped its head open and devoured its helium brains and cackled evilly, sounding super gay.
Look at me, Clayton thought. Look at me so I can pretend I know you! But her pigtails never swished. Christ, he thought. What epic boobs!
Clayton fumed. This, the fifth time since his patent was rejected that he’d been mistaken for an inventor. He raged and crushed peanuts.
WatchI think I’m sharing a genius with some guy in the Ukraine who doodles on the walls with poo.
It was getting dark. Clayton knew that he had only minutes to secure his place in Valhalla. He rocked the bowl of mead to his lips and drank
O_o
I just had an impromptu writing session. Impromptu means it wasn’t planned, it just happened. I would like to have a promptu sleeping session now, but we both know that isn’t likely. I’m okay with this, for some reason.
I submitted to two more magazines today, but forgot to write I was submitting simultaneously. Um. Oops? I don’t feel like I ever thought I’d be...
Some Things I Did Today
Read the first chapter of Ulysses by James Joyce. Impressions? Not as hard as I had been told. Just takes a while to read.
Watched the Dark Knight again.
Talked to my mother, my sister, and my father. In that order.
Tuned into the Brianisinyou live podcast…and played a little game with Brian. He didn’t know it, but I was typing things in order to pique his interest enough to say...
Raise Your Hand
if you post things on your tumblr based on how they will look…on your tumblr. Raise ‘em high.
There's A Last Comic Standing Type Thing Here...
I think I’m going to try out. “My last girlfriend used to say ‘bite me,’ every time we had an argument. My new girlfriend is a vampire. I put them in touch.”
“Lucky Charms tricks kids into thinking that eating cereal has an effect on the outcome of their lives. That’s wrong. I think we should make our own luck, manufacture our own charms. Except when I do...
“yo dude, We are outahere again tomorrow morning, gone about ten days. Hope...”
– My dad e-mailed me. He’s really weird. 